I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
