Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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