I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
