you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
