I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
