haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
