Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
