my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
