Your dad touched me again.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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