big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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