God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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