Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
