i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
