If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
