all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
As shirtless as possible
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
