What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
