Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
that's an acceptable place to lick
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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