i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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