Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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