Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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