You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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