**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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