I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
