Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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