Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
