My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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