omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
