I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
