ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
