I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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