Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
