You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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