this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
