I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
