guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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