Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm gonna fight the coyote
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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