Please, let me fuck your mom
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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