he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
