Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
