he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
