I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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