apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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