If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
