I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
