If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
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