did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We have started to decorate penises.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
