The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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