the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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