he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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