Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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