did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
