So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
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Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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