You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Pooping to opera.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
