If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
