was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
