Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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