she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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