She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
