How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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