yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i think my cat just said my name.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
