Pants 0. Shit 1.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
