girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
