There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
