the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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