I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
